This Too Shall Pass

Life Goes On (Dragon Ash song)

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Today I am thankful for how life goes on.

You may have never guessed this about me before, but I have struggled with depression on and off for years.  Each time I reach a new low, and each time it seems like it will be impossible to pick myself up and dust myself off.  But each time I do.  Life goes on.  Even when it seems like it could never, it does.

A lot of us struggle with loss, whether its in death or disappointment or whatever.  I know what it feels like for my world to stop in its tracks.  I know how awful it is that even when my world stops, the rest of the world doesn’t. It keeps going.  And it’s not easy to get going again to join the rest of the world.  But eventually you have to.  You have to keep on keepin on.  Because while you should never forget whatever it was that was so awful it made your world stop, you should never let it keep you from moving again.  Because when you give up and are not willing to budge, the rest of the world is still going, and you are losing.

Tonight I was with a couple new and good friends.  I had a blast.  This time last year I would have never dreamed of hanging out with these people because I never knew them.  I had other plans for myself.  But those plans fell through, and life took a new course, and I was disappointed and I was depressed.  And tonight I marveled at the beauty of the situation and how even though I lost what I had hoped for, what I found was better than I could have imagined.  If I had given in to my low and given up, I wouldn’t have made these great new friends, and I wouldn’t have had a night like this.  Like a woman giving birth I had to push through the pain in order to see this new life, and now that I’m seeing it, it seems as though the struggle was worth it.

Life goes on.  And it gets better.  It can get worse, but it will get better.  You just have to stick with it.  Keep on keepin on.  Don’t let all the yuck have the final say.  Jump back in and let life do what it does, and go on.

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I Don’t Think You’re Ready For This Jelly…

Zumba

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What am I thankful for today?

Three things.  My honest hips (they don’t lie), my honky-tonk badonkadonk, and Zumba.

I friggin LOVE Zumba.  I am forever in debt to the friend who got me into Zumba, because it is a new love.  Surely it helps that I’ve got a cutie patooty instructor this time around, but Zumba has really made me look at myself in a completely new way.  I am moving my body in ways I didn’t know it could.  I did not know my hips could swivel.  I did not know my booty could move in such a flattering way.  I didn’t know I could ever feel sexy.  That’s right. Sexy.

Zumba reminds me that I am more than just an emotional and spiritual being.  I am also a very physical being.

My physical body has always been a source of struggle for me.  I have always felt self-conscious about my weight, pale skin, height, and general amount of prettiness.  It is rare for me to look in the mirror and really like what I see, instead of thinking this is the best its gonna get.  I always liked what my body was capable of doing, such as not dropping dead during one of my mom’s crazy spinning classes or running that extra half mile I didn’t know I had in me.  But I never took much stock in its appearance.

I always wanted to be like my sister.  I wanted to be athletic and pretty and able to look good in most clothing styles.  I always compared my body to other bodies and could never see the beauty in what I had as separate from the beauty of those other bodies.  And my hips and my ass were too big for real, and buying pants was always a nightmare.

But Zumba made me move my body and look at my body in a new light.  I looked around at all those other bootys and noticed that they couldn’t move with as much oomph as mine.  No one else’s hips could salsa quite like mine.   It was hard to look at my body moving in the mirror at first… but tonight, I looked at it, and I liked what I saw, and I liked what I felt.

I can’t ignore my body.  I can’t just pretend it isn’t there and that it isn’t important.  Who I am spiritually and emotionally is just as important as who I am physically.

And if our physical bodies were honestly not that important, then when God decided to send his Son down to earth, God wouldn’t have given him flesh and blood.  What I got is beautiful even if it isn’t “perfect.”  I experience life through my body.  I love others through my body.  It’s pretty awesome.  And there is nothing wrong with looking awesome and shakin it once in awhile.

So today I am thankful for my hips and booty and Zumba, because they are awesome, and I am awesome, and God is more awesome still for creating me in such a way that I can look so awesome as I do such awesome things.